Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
