he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
