Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
