Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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