did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
