he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
