it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
