Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
