He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
