girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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