This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
