Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
