So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
