Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
