Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
