dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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