i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
