ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
