you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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