There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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