are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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