Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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