I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
