My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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