I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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