THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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