I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
