On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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