don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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