just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
