I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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