so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
