I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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