my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
