Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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