I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
