I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
