big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
