The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
pray to the hookup gods
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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