So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
