Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
