is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to calm my uterus...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize