We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
