If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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