thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
