It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
