oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She bit a glass in half.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
