The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
