I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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