I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
