Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
