You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
