Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
