Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
