Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
