If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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