when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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