Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize