in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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