She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize