I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
