Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
