Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
