going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
