3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
