had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
