Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could make wine with my vomit
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
