Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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