I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
