Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
