life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
