Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
