I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
