Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize