it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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