You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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