Porn is love you can see.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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