Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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