Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
