did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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