this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
