I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
