Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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